Unfortunately, NPH won't be part of this story...
As promised, here is the story of how I met my husband and the kids' step-father. Be forewarned, this is LONG...
One day, late in 2006, I was browsing through MySpace profiles and happened upon an interesting one. It was a guy that was funny as hell. He wrote about everything and anything, and some of it spoke to me so loudly. He was self-deprecating and sarcastic. Sometimes he was down, but more often than not, he was hysterically funny and spot-on about current events. In other words, I found his writing to be very attractive. He didn't have much of a picture up, though. I believe the only picture that I saw was a picture of him holding a guitar in front of his face. We'll call him "tall guy".
Deciding that introducing myself was a smart idea, I sent him an email. As luck would have it, he was out in Wisconsin visiting some friends and wouldn't get back to me for a few days.
Meanwhile, someone that I had known prior to my failed relationship contacted me out of the blue. We'll call this guy "Geek". I had had one awkward first date with him back in late 2004 or early 2005 before I met the failed relationship guy. He wanted to get to know me, and if we clicked, he wanted to give it another try.
So, "tall guy" gets back from Wisconsin and emails me. Weekly emails turn into daily IMs, and he starts getting interested. Meanwhile, I have started to casually go on dates with "Geek". One day, "tall guy" and I started talking about meeting. However, when I tell him I've been dating "Geek", "tall guy" tells me he's been burned before and won't go out with someone that's dating someone else.
What to do?
It's February, and it's my birthday. I get in to work, and I immediately get an IM from "tall guy" with a big "Happy Birthday". He remembered! That has to mean something, right?
The last date I had with "Geek", "Geek" has asked that we stop seeing other people and concentrate on developing our relationship. We had a date a week, and I didn't want to progress more than that. I agreed, for about a week. On the next date, I told him it was over. I couldn't stop thinking about "tall guy".
On Valentine's Day, "tall guy" asked if "Geek" had sent flowers. I was very non-committal in my answer because I didn't want to tell "tall guy" that I had dumped "Geek". I thought it would be good to put some time between dating "Geek" and seriously considering dating "tall guy". No offense to my husband, but I didn't want him to think the only reason I dumped "Geek" was to date him.
At the beginning of March, a friend had lost her fiance. I immediately went online to "tall guy" to tell him about it. He spent a long time talking to me and comforting me. It was then that I really knew I wanted to get to know him in person. It was a terrible tragedy, and I really only wanted to be with "tall guy".
"Tall guy" invited me to go to a concert with him and a bunch of his friends in June. This was March, and we still hadn't met, in person. We were talking all day every day during the week. During the weekends, I thought of him often. I'm convinced that in this respect, my crush on him was a lot bigger than his crush on me.
Not wanting to go to a show with a virtual stranger and that stranger's friends, I thought it best that we meet. I was hoping there would be chemistry between us, but I was pretty convinced that if nothing else, we would become good friends. Frankly, though, I was also convinced that the crush was a one-way street. I felt a bit foolish, because I started looking forward to Monday mornings when we would chat. I also started dreading Friday afternoons when I would leave work for the day and not hear from "tall guy" until Monday.
I thought he might be married. I thought he might be laughing at me with his friends over the weekend. He used to joke that I was his MySpace stalker, and I felt so so ridiculous for taking such an interest. On the other hand, we had so much in common and clicked so well, that I really wanted to find out whether or not we had chemistry and whether or not he was just messing with me.
We agreed to meet on April 5, 2007, more than 4 months after we started communicating. I know that seems like a long time, and it made me feel like we already knew each other. We met at the Outback and had a great first date. We basically closed down the Outback and went to a sports bar to continue talking.
Things progressed from that first date, although I often felt like I was the one pursuing him. I still often wonder what would have happened if I just let it go. Would we still be together? I kind of doubt it. But then I wonder if that matters at all.
I met his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend at the end of May. We all went to see a movie. I tried to introduce him to my friends, but things kept coming up. I don't remember what, exactly. I think mostly it was due to the fact that my friends were not ever around. One of my friends was moving back to Maryland. Another had moved into a house in southern Massachusetts. Another had lost her fiance and wanted nothing to do with being social or meeting anyone.
I met his family during another significant and sad time. One of his friends lost a child to cancer at the end of June. I met his family at the boy's wake and funeral.
He invited me to his sister's wedding. I met most of the rest of his friends there. At some point in July, I think, he met my parents.
He was scheduled to go to see his friend out in Wisconsin in September. I got to tag along for a week. I got to spend a week with his friend and his friend's wife out in Wisconsin. After that, we went to New York City to see Rush.
Right after the New York trip, I introduced him to the two most important people in my life - my kids. It was around this time that I started to get nervous about the longevity of our relationship. I also remember thinking that his responses to questions about our future were pretty non-committal. Here I was exposing my kids to someone new (again), and I felt incredibly vulnerable doing that. At this point, we'd been together six months and had spent four months prior talking every day. At this point, I felt like I knew him enough to really make a decision about him.
It would be another six months and another tragedy before we both knew.
During all that fall, his uncle, John, would become very ill from his diabetes. Uncle Johnny had spent weeks in the hospital before Christmas because of the illness. On Christmas morning, we almost lost him. He had to have emergency surgery to amputate his leg. Luckily, he survived the surgery.
From that point forward, he was in and out of the hospital and a rehab hospital in Wilmington and Braintree. He came home for a short amount of time, but then was right back in the hospital.
After Christmas, Rob's sister announced she was pregnant. It would be their first child and Rob's parent's first grandchild. Everyone was ecstatic. It was then that I first started feeling like I might want to extend my family with Rob. Prior to that, the thought of having more kids was inconceivable to me.
Right before my birthday, Rob and I decided to move in together sometime that spring. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Rob. If he wasn't sure about marriage as an institution, then it shouldn't matter to me, right? The most important thing was not whether we got married, but whether we were committed to being together for the rest of our lives, wasn't it? By this point, Rob had said he wanted to be with me forever.
We had tickets to see Spam-a-Lot in Boston with Rob's sister and brother-in-law. That day, Uncle Johnny came home. Rob, his brother, and his brother-in-law helped Johnny into the house. After bringing Johnny home, Rob's brother and sister-in-law announced that they, too, would be parents. Johnny was grinning from ear-to-ear with all the good news.
Then came St. Patrick's Day. We all went to Rob's parents house for a good Irish dinner. Afterward, we brought leftovers to Uncle Johnny's house. We got to tell him that we were moving in together and tell him we were going on vacation to Florida that spring. We spent a few minutes with him, and it was clear that he didn't want us to leave.
That was the last time we would see him alive. That Tuesday, I got a panicked call from Rob. He had received a call at work from Uncle Johnny's lifeline call service saying he needed help. I tried to calm Rob down as best I could. I told him to drive safe, but that I would meet him at Uncle Johnny's house. I left work and flew there as fast as I could.
When I got there, Rob's dad, Bob and his brother, John were already there. They let me into the house but told me to stay in the kitchen. Rob showed up a little while later as did John's wife, Mary, and Rob's sister, Lisa. Lisa, Mary, and I went to Rob's parents house to wait it out. I felt very useless that day. I think I was probably more in the way than anything. Rob, Bob, and John needed to wait for the coroner and the ambulance to take Uncle Johnny. He had died in the bathroom when a major artery in his leg had burst open. Apparently it happened in a matter of seconds.
During the arrangements and funeral, I tried not to be in the way. I tried to offer Rob any comfort I could. I was probably more broken up than I should have been over Uncle Johnny's death. He reminded me so much of my Aunt Mary. His disease progression that mimicked hers, and there mannerisms and expressions were so similar. Even his stubbornness about smoking reminded me of her. More than anything, I wanted him to meet my kids and I wanted him to be around to see Lisa's and Mary's babies grow up.
What does this tangent have to do with how Rob and I merged our lives?
It was right after this that Rob told me he wanted to marry me. He proposed the first time without a ring the day we moved into our little duplex. He proposed the next time with a ring on May 20, 2008. He proposed again at the bridge at Epcot center. I said, "Yes", three times.
We were married on May 30, 2009 in a small ceremony at the same church where Uncle Johnny was laid to rest. His family has become my family, and my family has become his family. I love his family very much, and I know he loves mine the same.
From the rocky and uncertain start we had, we have forged a very strong union. I love you, sweetie, with all my heart.
